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Description
And so here it is. The start of the adventure. I decided it would be best to begin where the last game ended, just from someone else's perspective. Once again, cooments, opinions, & questions are encouraged. Haters, on the other hand, are gonna hate. Just don't do it on my page, please.
Mass Effect(c) is owned by Bioware.
Mass Effect(c) is owned by Bioware.
Mature
© 2012 - 2024 RealRed05
Comments2
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Hi there! I like the solemnity you gave this piece, lots of action.
I have one thing to add to pesto's observation, and that is to beware of summary. "The fighting raged for more than an hour." It would be more effective to say something like, "Over the next hour, the Reapers pummeled the front lines, first with a wave of banshees..." so that you're describing the action. Saying an hour passed and then describing what happens kills the tension because it makes the reader backtrack in their minds.
Overall, a strong scene.
Thanks for the watch!
I have one thing to add to pesto's observation, and that is to beware of summary. "The fighting raged for more than an hour." It would be more effective to say something like, "Over the next hour, the Reapers pummeled the front lines, first with a wave of banshees..." so that you're describing the action. Saying an hour passed and then describing what happens kills the tension because it makes the reader backtrack in their minds.
Overall, a strong scene.
Thanks for the watch!